


Everything About You

by Stillreadingfanfictbh



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Asexual Louis, Asexuality, M/M, angst maybe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 23:18:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17887013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stillreadingfanfictbh/pseuds/Stillreadingfanfictbh
Summary: Louis tells Harry that he’s asexual





	Everything About You

**Author's Note:**

> this is the only story that i actually felt comfortable putting on ao3 but i do have a lot of shitty fics on my Wattpad if you wanna check them out.
> 
> https://my.w.tt/5kcZ0zXvwU

Louis and Harry have only been dating for a couple of months, so it's only logical that Louis hasn't shared his big secret with him. This secret is huge though. The kind of secret that destroys relationships, now that Louis thinks about it, he realizes he probably should have told Harry at the beginning of their relationship so Harry knew exactly what he was getting himself into.

Honestly Louis shouldn't have gotten into a relationship at all because he is still trying to figure out the extent of his secret. How far can he go before getting pushed over the edge and becoming uncomfortable.

Harry has noticed that Louis and his relationship has been a little bit... stunted, or slow-moving, maybe? It took Louis a full month to actually kiss Harry and that's after they were dating. Hand-holding and cuddles are fine, now, but in the beginning Louis pulled himself away if their knees so much as touched. At first Harry thought it was because Louis isn't an affectionate person, which would have been fine, honestly, Harry could have worked with that. However, Harry has seen the way Louis acts with his friends: cuddly and unapologetic. Louis even hugs complete strangers. Obviously, after a couple of months Louis and Harry has gotten pretty good at cuddling and even kissing, if their three make-out sessions mean anything. But, yeah, their relationship is going slow. In Harry's previous relationship he would have already had sex by now. Not that Harry likes comparing his current relationships with previous ones, because every person and thus every relationship is different, but it's weird. Harry wonders if it's himself that's causing the stunted relationship. Maybe Harry isn't attractive enough? Or Louis just isn't attracted to him. That must be the reason they haven't gone further than a five minute make-out session. 

Louis is always confident. He's an actor, confidence comes with the job. Louis holds himself and walks like he has power, it's one of the things that attracted Harry to him. Louis has a loud mouth and an even louder laugh, that's not the least bit annoying, mind you. Louis, for the most part, is not insecure, but there is one thing he is insecure about: his sexuality. Now, Louis has always known he was gay, he basically came out of the womb as a gay stereotype. There is something else, though, that he only noticed as he was growing up. All of his friends went off with their girlfriends and boyfriends, and Louis was just left behind. Of course he had his fare share of relationships, but they never ended up going anywhere because Louis always pushed them away. Everyone thought that he had just grown bored of the relationship, a lot of his ex's have called Louis a tease because he would just lead them on then dump them the next second for no reason. After a lot of self searching (and anxiety attacks and lots of anonymous online "therapist") Louis had realized that all of his relationships ended because he didn't want to have sex. At all.

He's been told a couple of times "don't knock it 'til you try it" but Louis has tried it, or at least tried to try it. It being sex of course. Of his last three boyfriends he's given exactly two blowjobs, which wasn't bad honestly, just not enjoyable. Louis also received a couple (three) blow jobs, which left him feeling unsatisfied and dirty.

Over the course of these three relationships he's realized three things:  
1\. He is asexual. Kinda.  
2\. He doesn't mind giving the sexual stuff (to an extent) but receiving is off the table  
3\. He never wants to have sex. Ever. With anyone.

Once Louis came to these conclusions he basically assumed that any relationship was off the table, after all who would want to be in a relationship without sex. But Louis is selfish and he desires companionship. He hates being alone and his friends just couldn't cut it anymore. He needed something different and something romantic.

Louis and Harry meet at the opening of a short film. Louis was an actor in the short film, and Harry was a part of the company that had funded the short film. The film was showed and after the crew and actors gave little spiels about the meaning of the film and how hard they worked on it, there was an after party, where Louis and Harry talked for hours. Harry ended up leaving with Louis number and plans for a date.

It went on from there and Louis really likes Harry. Like really. As in he hasn't felt the way he does in any of his past relationships, and he feels like this relationship will last a long time. Given a little time Louis "a little liking" could turn into "love" which is a big word with lots of meaning and commitment which is mostly why Louis is even considering telling Harry his big asexual secret.

Louis has thought it over a lot lately and he figured that he might as well talk to Harry soon, like ripping off a bandaid, but Louis doesn't know how Harry will react. Considering they haven't gone further than making-out, Louis doesn't know if sex is a big part of Harry's ideal relationship, if no sex is a deal breaker.

But right now Harry is laying on Louis couch. Louis is in the kitchen throwing a frozen pizza in the oven and trying to pull himself together. Louis peeks out of the kitchen to look at Harry in the living room, he is flipping through Louis cable channels trying to find something good. Louis notices Harry begin to give up before finally turning off the T.V. and calling out to Louis, "how long does it take to throw a pizza in the oven?"

Suddenly Louis is getting anxious because he realizes that, as he hears Harry's foot steps approaching closer and closer to the kitchen, he needs to tell Harry now. Harry is going to wonder why it took Louis so long to put a frozen pizza in the oven and why Louis has been acting strange all day. Harry always talks about his feelings, he's open and he probably expects Louis to be the same.

Which shit. Louis has been lying to Harry the whole time. Harry won't like that, will he? He'll surly leave.

"Hey, Lou, are you alright?" Harry ask, with a soft voice. Harry isn't stupid, he knows something is wrong, Louis has hardly said a word to Harry for the hour that he has been in Louis' home. And right now, Louis is sitting on the stool in his kitchen, his elbows on the counter and his head in his hands.

Harry sits on the stool next to Louis and places his hand on Louis arm, "Lou?"

"I'm asexual." Louis mumbles, and well, there goes his speech. Louis had a huge speech planned in his head about how being asexual has been such a struggle and how he hopes that it doesn't alter their relationship. How he hopes that Harry won't break up with him and leave, but if he does then Louis will understand. There was a speech, but now it's all for nought.

"What did you say, Lou?" Harry says just as softly as before, Harry uses his fingers to pull Louis chin up away from his hands and to look at Harry, "you were speaking into your hands, love, I have no idea what you said."

Louis blushes, but looks Harry straight in the eyes and repeats, "I'm asexual."

Harry frowns for a moment, his eyebrows stitch together and he looks down at his hands before slowly says, "okay."

Louis frowns too, "okay? Okay what?"

"So, what does that mean?" Harry asks, he is looking at Louis again.

"Uh, well asexual is when you don't have a desire to be in a sex-"

"No, no, Lou." Harry interrupts, "I meant what does that mean for us? Our relationship?"

"Oh uhm," Louis looks down again, tears collecting in his eyes, "I mean, I would understand if you don't want to continue being in a relationship with me. Sex is important in a relationship, so obviously a relationship without sex isn't ideal—"

"Louis," Harry says, "any relationship with you is ideal."

"But lik—" Louis begin.

Harry cuts him off again. "Louis, honestly, sure sex is nice, but I have my right hand and I'm sure I can purchase some dildos, and I'll never run out of porn, you know."

"Uhm."

"Yeah, well what I'm trying to say is I don't care that you're asexual. I like you with or without sex." Harry says with a grin, "you know I thought that you just didn't like me. Like, I thought that you thought I was ugly. This is a much better breakthrough."

Louis snorts, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier." 

"It's okay, I understand, I think, like if you had told me in the beginning that our relationship wouldn't have gone as far as it already has. Does that sound shallow?" Harry replies.

"A little," Louis says.

There's a small pause before Harry ask, "so have you had sex before? Or like, have you done anything along those lines before?"

"Uhm, I haven't had sex exactly but, like, I've done some things." Louis replies, "Like I've given some blowjobs and stuff like that but I don't like receiving the sexual stuff."

Harry frowns a little, "so like hypothetically speaking, you could give me a hand job or something? Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you enjoy it?"

"Uhm, I don't know that I necessarily enjoy it? But it's okay." Louis says, "if you would like me to, you know in the future, to do that I don't think that I would be opposed."

"Oh," Harry says, "well we can talk about stuff like that later on in the relationship. I would never ask you to do something that you aren't comfortable with. If you don't want to do it."

There is a pause in the conversation. Harry's reaction to this was much better than Louis thought and he cries a little in relief. He turns his head away from Harry and sniffles.

"Louis, babe, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?" Harry asks in concern.

Louis doesn't say anything shakes his head and by now there are short breathless sobs coming out of his mouth.

"Lou," Harry says desperately, "please look me."

Louis shakes his head again, but says, "Haz, you didn't say anything wrong. Yo-you're perfect."

"Oh." Harry says breathlessly, he pulls Louis into a hug and says, "thank you for telling me all of this. I know it had to have been really tough. But I'm so glad you told me."

Louis is still crying, but he has calmed down a bit. Harry runs his hands down Louis arms and continues, "I know I already said this, but I really like you, everything about you, no matter what."

"Thank you for being so sweet, haz." Louis says, finally he looks up at Harry's face, "seriously you are being so nice. No one has every reacted the way you have."

"Have you had bad reactions?" Harry asks seriously.

"Not necessarily, most people just don't understand what asexual means. They think there’s something wrong with me." Louis replies.

Harry sighs and kisses Louis cheek, "there's nothing wrong with you. You're so perfect."

Louis rubs his face on Harry's shirt in a pathetic attempt to dry his tears. Harry is still rubbing Louis arms and brings Louis closer into a hug. He rubs Louis back and shoulders, his chin is on Louis head. 

They sit like that for a while until Harry says, "do you want to watch a movie?"

"yeah," Louis pulls away from Harrys chest, "a movie sounds good."


End file.
